Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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