im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
The best revenge is premature balding
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize