Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We left the knife in your bed.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
