If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The beer is more important than you right now.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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