The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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