so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
