that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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