do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
