i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
