Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
