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i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He passed out mid-signature
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
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