just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.