Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.