I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I need moral support for this bender
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend