i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
