Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
