Can i not drive my cunt home
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
