i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Is it because I queefed?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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