i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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