Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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