And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
