were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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