I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I skipped work to stalk him.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
