Where did you get a picture of my penis
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
How's work?
Spinning.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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