she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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