i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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