It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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