if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
did i just pee glitter
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
