I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
farters have to be the big spoon...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize