dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
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I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
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A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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