I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
