Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
