I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
