Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
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Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
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Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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