You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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