We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
