I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
