He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
