Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Randomize
