yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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