I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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