Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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