Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
