I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i dont even know how to be here
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
