right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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