She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
