allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
