Need sex. Gaining weight.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
