How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm drive I can fine osifer
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Randomize
