Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
