How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I checked into jail on foursquare
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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