He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
