dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
