life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
