we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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