Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
how drunk are you?
Several
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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