And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
